It’s Okay to Not Be Okay–and The Church Should Welcome That

Continuing our discussion and building on Jason Johnson’s blog (you can read his here).

You can read my thoughts here and here and here.

And you can read what Carissa Woodwyk wrote right here.

Today, I want to take it one step further.

A quick review:

First we talked about how it’s okay to not be okay.   Our society has made it seem like we are a complete and abject failure if everything isn’t perfect.

Secondly, we talked about the relationship between not being okay and National Adoption month.   How it’s possible to be both okay and not okay at the same time.

Third, we talked about how not only is it okay to not be okay, it’s okay to admit it.   Our society has a really big problem with admitting struggles and our churches are quite often the worst places for that.

Fourth – we talked about how it’s okay to not be okay and not know what to do about it.

Today, I want to take it to another level….

Not only is it okay to not be okay and okay to admit it, but the church should welcome that.   The church should welcome that we are screwed up?   Absolutely.   For a couple of reasons:

  • If we don’t admit our struggles, then we are depriving our fellow church members of the ability to step up beside us and help and love on us in our need.   That deprives the church of a major reason for it’s existence.    Jesus said, “I didn’t come to heal the healthy, I came to heal the sick.”   Well if everyone pretends they are healthy, then we miss that opportunity.
  • Not only are we depriving people of the ability to be the hands and feet of Christ, but we’re depriving ourselves of the health and help and support that we need.   If we don’t tell anyone that we are struggling, they can’t help us.
  • If we don’t admit our struggles and admit that things are not okay, we are going to drive the hurt and the struggling away from the church.   They are going to say, “I can’t hang out with these people, they are a bunch of perfect Mr. and Mrs. Jones type.”   That’s not true but if we don’t make sure people know it’s not true, they are going to assume it is and stay away.

But in order to foster a spirit of honesty and openness, the church needs to do a couple of things:

  • It needs to encourage and foster a spirit of openness in its leadership to be open about their own personal struggles and pains.
  • The leadership of the church needs to educate the church on how to respond when people  are not okay and admit it.   If someone has the guts to admit their struggles and the fellow church member they share it with says something like,  “Chin up, God does everything for a reason,” then the church has done more  to hurt the cause of Christ.

The church needs to welcome the “not okay” part of life and do it in a way that makes people feel comfortable sharing their pain and their sorrow – that’s when real Christian growth can help.

I’m curious, how does your church do with that?


Forward to the Past?

So, as I’ve been reading and talking to people this past week, a couple of themes keep showing up in a lot of it……

I think in many ways, the main theme could be described as the need to move forward to the past.

That’s right move ahead to get back to where we need to be.

Move ahead to get back to caring about our neighbors.

Move ahead to caring about people on the other side of the world – even if they don’t believe the same as we do or look the same as we do.

Move ahead to caring about our church and being a member not an audience.

Move ahead to caring about the balance that we expect from our religious leaders – and do we set them up to fail?

Move ahead to helping in ways that really help.  Not by causing problems for businesses in the country by granting trade subsidies, not by sending donations that could best be purchased in the country.   Not by teaching kids that a white person from “America” is the one who can provide for them what their parents can’t.   Not by giving the kids at an orphanage the “picture” that the “white people” from “America” are the ones who have all of the money and once they get adopted, they will be able to get anything they want. 

Move ahead to providing a healthy dose of respect and appreciation for others in the music and movies of today.

Move ahead by respecting and loving all people – no matter how they might differ from you.

Move ahead by revamping our view of government.   As John F. Kennedy said,  “Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country.”   Move ahead by moving back to a sense of self sufficiency and not a sense of governmental dependence.

Move ahead by thinking of social media as today’s front porch.   “Back when” people used to sit on their front porches and chat with their neighbors.   Now people use social media to insult their neighbors and to proclaim that they know everything.    What if we all used social media like a front porch.    It’s a way for us to keep in touch with people and to share ideas, to talk about topics, to discuss things – but in the kind of civil tone that you’d have if sitting on the front porch drinking lemonade.

Move ahead by adopting the Amish Barn Raising mindset.    Not the “do it all by hand” part but the “our neighbor has a need so we help” portion.

What would happen if we moved ahead this way?

What would the world look like?

What would people think about the church?



An Open Letter About Why I Wrote The Book

Okay, so I don’t know that John Pavlovitz even knows that I wrote a book about the church.    I know for sure that he hadn’t read it before he wrote this blog post.

But he explains very well why I wrote the book,  “a church, my church, The Church” and why I felt compelled to urge on a conversation about the church, what’s going well and what isn’t and what we can do about it.

Let me copy a couple of “sections” (brief ones) from what he wrote.   I urge you to go to “Open Letter” and read the entire thing…….

“One of the central statements of this post and so many like it, is that you can’t love Jesus while criticizing the Church.


It’s time that we called out this kind of nonsense for what it is: an attempt to shut down meaningful, important, difficult conversation in the name of Christian unity, using spirituality as a gag. It’s an idea that needs to be buried forever.”

And a little further on…..

“It’s my and so many other’s intense love for Jesus and for the Church, that compels us to demand a better, more compassionate, more just, more diverse expression of both in the world; and to be told otherwise, is an insult to our experience, our faith, our intellect, our motives, and our ministry.

We speak because we feel personally called and convicted to; as equally called and convicted as you do.
We speak because many who need to be heard and seen, are still feeling voiceless and invisible.
We speak because we see wounded, hurting people pushed to the margins of this Christian community, and it bothers us.
We speak because the Church has become a decidedly white, upper middle class country club, and we’re not OK with that.
We speak because we feel that if we don’t, the very stones will scream, and we will be found complicit in the suffering of our neighbor.”

And a little further…….

“Christian, no entities, no matter how good or noble they might be, are ever above reproach. No, not even the Church.”

That is why I wrote, “a church, my church, The Church.”  

Because my church matters.

Because The Church matters.

Because we can do better – and unless we talk about it, we won’t do better.